What have I done?
by Jerome Miller
Summary: M/L fic!!!!!! Max has a visitor.
1. What have I done?

Logan felt his body go numb as his wife's words sunk in. _Abortion. Max had an abortion. She killed our child._ "Why?" He asked trembling. As he met her gaze, Max looked deep into Logan's eyes. She found none of the usual tender love and affection, only hurt and confusion. Tears streamed silently down his face, leaving wet scars as they went. Unable to look at her anymore, Logan bowed his head. Max watched as tears fell from his eyes, moistening his blue shirt. 

"I don't know why." Was all Max could bring herself to say as she watched the man she loved cry. Closing his eyes and throwing his head back, he grimaced as if Max's words caused him physical pain. Sighing deeply and biting his lower lip, he wheeled his chair over to the window and starred blankly out over the city. Max quietly followed him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Logan shied away from her touch and refused to look at her. "Logan…"

"Don't. Just don't." He cut her off as sobs rocked his body. Not knowing what to do, she quietly walked to the door and left their apartment.

Max began to walk aimlessly, trying to forget her troubles. "Damnit all!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, drawing several disapproving glances from the people around her, all of whom she promptly gave the finger. After walking for what seemed like hours, Max snapped out of her self-pity when she realized that she was at the park where Logan proposed to her.

*** Flashback***

It was one of the few truly beautiful spring days in Seattle. The two of them were enjoying a pleasant picnic while watching a marvelous sunset. "Wow Logan, look at all of those colors. I don't think that I could name all of them." Max commented as she snuggled into his shoulder. 

"It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He said while looking at her, obviously not talking about the sunset. Placing a kiss on her forehead, Max could feel him suddenly tense. He pulled away from her and looked deep into her eyes. "Max.."

"Ya?"

"Um… well… _Sigh_. Okay, let me start again. Max." Logan mentally stumbled while searching for the right words.

"Logan." She replied playfully, trying to relieve the tension in the air.

"We have known each other for three years."

"Really? It seems like longer."

"Will you please let me finish?" He panted, sweating bullets. "From the first time I saw you… no that won't do. One more time, I promise I will get it right." Fishing around in the picnic basket, he brought out a small black velvet box and climbed into his chair. Realization finally dawning on her, Max emitted a squeal of delight and a beaming smile was plastered on her face. _Ok, here it goes._ "Max, you are the most incredible woman I have ever met and I love you more than I ever thought possible. When I thought that you were gone, I was a wreck. Now life without you is unimaginable. What I am trying to say is…"

"Yes!" Max said, quickly covering her mouth when she realized that she had spoken too soon. A slight blush came to her face while Logan continued.

"Hold on, I haven't gotten there yet." Logan managed a chuckle despite his incredibly nervous demeanor. "Max Guevera. I want to make sure I never have to live another day without you. _Sigh_. Will you marry me?" The couple crew many stairs as Logan remained holding an engagement ring while Max pretended to think.

"Yes!" Max exclaimed as Logan pulled her into a passionate kiss and numerous spectators began to applaud.

*** End flashback***

Now as max looked bleakly at the spot that held so much joy, she was only reminded of the wounded look to her husband's eyes. Crashing onto a bench Max though in despair "what have I done?" and buried he face in her hands. As if on cue, a light rain began to fall.


	2. Not to me

Max had spent all afternoon at the park trying to delay her return to Foggle Towers

Max had spent all afternoon at the park trying to delay her return to Foggle Towers. Long after the sun had set, she decided that the time had come to face what she had done. While slowly trudging down the sidewalk, images from the night before filled her mind.

*** Flashback***

"Max I love you." Logan said as he snuggled close to her on the couch. A fire roared in front of them, blanketing the couple with warmth. "I have a surprise for you." 

"Really? What is it?"

"Now if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise." Logan climbed into his chair and offered her his hand, beckoning her to follow. Max obediently stood and followed her husband into the computer room where a beautiful crib waited. "What do you think?" He asked, praying for a happy answer. Meanwhile, realization finally hit Max.

"Oh my God, I am going to be a mother. I can't have a child! I don't know the first thing about kids. I don't think I can even carry full term! I don't want to end up like Jace! Ok, take it easy, don't let Logan see you upset." Max's thoughts raged rampant as she put on a fake smile and managed a weak, "It's beautiful." Fear swelled in her as the possible outcomes played out in her head. All of them were bad. "Logan?"

"Yes?"

"I'm a little sleepy, could we go to bed." Not waiting for a reply, she walked to the bedroom. Max didn't remember brushing her teeth or putting on her over-shirt, or even crawling into bed. The only thing in her world was unimaginable fear. When Logan laid down next to her, light vibrations set off alarms in his head.

"Max, are you having a seizure?" He asked while groping for the bottle of Tryptophan on his nightstand.

"No." She replied, trembling with fear.

"Are you sure? You are shaking…" He was cut off abruptly as Max pulled off the covers and walked to her dresser.

"Positive." She changed into her cat suit as quickly as possible and shouted over her shoulder "I need to get some fresh air, don't wait up for me."

"But I thought that you were tired." He called out to an empty apartment.

Max didn't know how she had ended up at the clinic, but she knew they could make the fear go away. Wheeling her Ninja into the building, Max filled out some forms and handed them to the pleasant receptionist. "Mam', please take a seat, the doctor will be out soon to help you."

"Ah, you must be Max Cale." A friendly looking doctor said as he appeared around a corner. She managed to nod her head and hold out a wad of money. "Come right this way."

The surgery was simple enough. They gave her a blue gown, applied a mild anaesthetic and wheeled her into a small operating room. Covering her abdomen with a curtain, the only nurse held her hand during the procedure. Out of the blue, the doctor announced that he was finished and that she should try to rest. To Max's horror, the fear was still there, only it was different now. She was afraid of hurting Logan. 

"Miss. Who is taking you home?" The nurse asked while Max lied on the table.

" There is a piece of paper in my Jeans with a number on it. I haven't told him so you will have to explain what is going on, and tell him not to contact my husband. Ask for Bling." 

When Bling did arrive, he didn't speak to her until he had driven them both to the docks. Sighing, he began to talk in a cool, almost cold tone. "Jesus Christ Max, what were you thinking." When no response came, he began to get angry. "Max, I just got a call at midnight asking me to come pick up my best friend's wife at an abortion clinic because she just had a 'procedure.' I was also instructed not to call Logan, so I am going to assume that he doesn't know about this. I followed those directions and didn't tell Logan because I care about you. Now I want you to stop staring out the fucking window and give me some answers because I think that I deserve them." Max talked frantically as she tried to explain herself.

"Did I ever tell you about my sister Jace?" She glanced at Bling, the movement sending an ache through her abdomen. His hands were gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. 

"No."

"Besides Jondie, she is the only other X-5 to try and have a kid. The baby was putting such a strain on her Seratonin levels that not even Tryptophan could help." Max sighed deeply. "She died mid-term from a massive seizure. I won't let that happen to me." 

"What are you going to tell Logan?" He asked through tightly clenched teeth.

"I don't know." She almost cried.

"I can't take you back like this. We are going to my place so you can get cleaned up. It should also give you some time to think about what you are going to say to your husband."

***End Flashback***

Max had been so deep in thought that she hadn't noticed entering the building. Now, as she looked at the door to her home, once again fear claimed her. Resting her forehead against the mahogany frame, she could clearly hear the heart wrenching sobs continuing inside. Oddly, however, they sounded like they were coming from the guestroom. Steeling her resolve, Max inserted her key and opened the door.


	3. Dropping the bomb

When she entered the penthouse, Logan was staring out over the city collecting his thoughts

When she entered the penthouse, Logan was staring out over the city collecting his thoughts. She didn't bother to turn on the lights. If he wanted to sit in the dark, so be it. To Max's horror, her husband's small handgun rested on the table in the foyer. Logan sensed her arrival and knew that she had seen the gun.

"When you first told me… I was in shock." His words drew her into the den where she straddled a chair. "After realization set in, I got angry and vented on a vase." Max could see where blood was pooling on the floor from a nasty wound on his hand. "Then I started to feel all of those old emotions again. I began to think that you didn't want to have a child with me…"

"Logan…"

"Max, now is not a good time to interrupt me. Then I thought that you just didn't want to stay tied to one place. That train of thought led me to think that you wanted to leave all together and probably without me." He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "The gun was in my hand Max. It was in my hand and I was about to kill myself." Tears silently slid down her face and dripped from her chin, moistening her shirt. "The thing that stopped me was that Original came by looking for you. Apparently you two were supposed to go shopping. I told her about everything that happened. We still had some questions though, like how you got home from the clinic and how you got the… procedure… on such short notice. Luckily Bling, who showed up to check on me, had those answers, although I am still wondering where you got the bribe money. Not only will you not let me have a say in the life of our child, but you have my best friend pick you up from the fucking clinic." Logan let out a pained sigh before continuing. "Why didn't you tell me about Jace? How could you possibly keep a secret like that from me? Don't you realize that I wouldn't be able to live my life without you? I can forgive you for taking our child from me, but what hurts even worse is the complete lack of trust you have in me." He finally turned to look at her. Instantly he felt remorse for the words he had spoken. Max's face was red and puffy, her eyes bloodshot. Her once beautiful smile was pulled tight across her face as sobs engulfed her. Slowly regaining her composure, Max steeled herself for the bomb she was about to drop.

"I didn't tell Bling the truth..." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"I lied to Bling. I was too ashamed to tell him the truth."

"Then what would the truth be?"

"I'm so sorry Logan. I have fucked up so bad this time." She couldn't handle the emotions flooding through her body and lost it completely. Weeping, she stood and almost ran to the guestroom where she slammed the door behind her. Slowly trailing her, Logan wheeled up to the door and listened to his wife's grief through the wall. When it sounded like she had calmed down some, he slowly opened the door and peered inside. Max was sitting on the bed facing him in a fetal position, her arms wrapped around her legs while slowly rocking back and forth. Positioning himself so he was facing her, he waited for her to speak. "It wasn't your child."

"What!" Logan felt like his whole world was spinning and the walls were closing in around him.

"When Cindy and I went up to Canada a few weeks ago… we both went into heat… we couldn't help ourselves"

"We? Who is this we?" Deep down Logan knew, and dreaded, the answer. Taking a deep breath, Max tried to meet his gaze but failed.

"Zach." Logan's face turned scarlet, worrying Max. As she stood to dash for the weapon in the adjacent room, he punched the doorframe as hard as he could, flipping his wheelchair and spilling him unceremoniously onto the floor. Max quickly moved to help him up and he tore away from her touch.

"Hello?" Original Cindy called as she entered the apartment. "Holy Shit!" She exclaimed at the sight of Logan on the floor and Max weeping next to him. Rushing over to help Logan, Cindy threw her a questioning glance that was answered when Max lowered her eyes to the floor. After being raised to his chair once again, Logan quickly rolled into the kitchen and snatched some keys off the counter.

"I will be at the god damn cabin." Was all Logan shouted as he left the apartment.

"Shit boo." Cindy exclaimed quietly. After a great deal of whimpering Max perked up and dashed toward the foyer. She wanted to eliminate the weapon that had almost taken her husband's life; however, it was nowhere to be found. 

**********************************************************************

Logan drove down the deserted highway to his cabin while listening to the melancholy melodies of classical music. He sped past the correct exit, not wanting to leave the security of the Aztec. The gun sat on the passenger seat, driving him slowly insane with its constant beckoning. "Screw this mellow crap." Logan thought to himself as he rummaged through the CD bin under the dash. After a few seconds of searching, he removed a CD labeled Godsmack. Pushing the car to its limits, he depressed the accelerator until his speedometer read 120mph. Griping the vibrating steering wheel hard enough make it bend, Logan began to pour his anger into the music. 

"Sick of my life, I'm tired of everything in my life." The music blared so loudly that his ears hurt and vision blurred. Slowly regaining his composure, he reduced his speed and turned down the stereo. He pulled into a small general store to pick up some groceries for the morning. He turned off the ignition and walked inside, bells jingled when he opened the door, alerting a man to his presence. 

"Good evening." The clerk said, his thick accent suggesting that he struggled with the English language.

"You too." Logan replied absently as he picked up a gallon of milk and a box of cheerios. Not wanting to deal with anymore human interaction, he handed the clerk a fifty dollar bill and left. Sighing deeply, he ran a hand through his hair and set the food down next to him. The silence inside his car was interrupted as his weapon began to call to him again.

"I can make it all go away, no more pain." It said. Extremely out of character, Logan began cursing.

"Fuck that shit!" He yelled while removing another rock CD that had something to do with chocolate starfish and hotdogs. Pulling a U-turn that screeched his tires, Logan sped back toward the cabin to sort out his emotions.

**********************************************************************

"What?" Bling shouted into the phone, his voice thick with sleep.

"Something happened, I need you to go down to Logan's cabin right now."

"Cindy is that you?" His half-asleep brain not able to make sense of her words.

"Damn straight." Bling glanced at his clock.

"It's 12:00, why? Is everything ok?"

"Max talked to Logan and he went to the cabin. He brought a gun." At the words Logan and gun, Bling snapped awake.

"I'm on my way, just keep Max from doing anything stupid."

"Got it covered." 

"Lata." With that, Bling hung up the phone. "It's midnight now, that means I can get to the cabin by four. I just hope he will be alright till then."

**********************************************************************

Logan sat on the dock while he let his useless legs dangle in the cold lake. "I can't even tell that it is cold." He thought to himself. The sound of crickets and bullfrogs intermingled to create a unique symphony.

"Lllloooogggggaaaannnnn." The gun called from its position next to him on the dock. He didn't know why he had even brought it with him. He sure wasn't planning on using it… although the thought was getting more enticing as time went by. He grasped the cool metal by the barrel and slowly caressed down the grooved handle. He ejected the magazine and inspected the single round of ammunition it held, slowly rolling it around in his hands. Inserting the round and clip back into the appropriate positions, he looked down the long barrel. Sighing, he set the gun back down and glanced at his watch. It read 3:45. 

**********************************************************************

"I am on my way, just hold on a bit longer man." Bling pleaded from the driver's seat of his Accord. Skidding around the last corner, Bling drove toward the dock, where the Aztec was parked. As he got closer, he could see Logan reach to his left for something. "Only a little longer." He flashed his high beams. The object in Logan's hand spewed fire and smoke while a loud bang shattered the Lake's tranquility. 


	4. Pouring gas on the fire

"Now will you leave me alone

"Now will you leave me alone!" Logan thought as he threw the gun into the water. Running a hand through his hair, Logan ignored his friend's approach. As Bling sat down next to him, a silence fell between the two. Seconds dragged into hours and Bling began to get antsy. 

"Dude, she is a wreck." He said, both of them knowing whom the 'she' was. Logan hung his head and looked deep into the black lake.

"It just hurts so much."

"I know. But you have a woman at home who is practically climbing the walls in grief. She loves you very much, and I know that you love her." Logan's expression softened a little with that, so Bling continued. "Do you remember the time when she tried to make brownies?" Logan let out a small chuckle.

"We couldn't go into the kitchen for a week!"

"What about when you two went for the cruise?"

"Or when we had that family reunion."

"If I remember correctly, wasn't that about when your aunt disowned you?"

"Ya. God, the look on Margot's face was priceless when Max was showing off her 'new' locket." Bling didn't understand what he was talking about, but let a laugh out anyway.

"See man? What would you do without all those memories, without her? Is it really worth it to stay cooped up in this cabin, sulking, while the woman you love is in pain?"

"You're right Bling." He struggled into his wheelchair and turned it toward the car. "Thanks Bling, you are a great friend. It must be like four in the morning and I'm sure that you are tired, so here is a key to the cabin." 

"No problem. You two are like family to me. Now stop yapping and go home to your wife." Both men smiled as Logan wheeled to the Aztec and drove off into the blackness of early morning.

************************************************************************

"Almost there." Logan kept thinking to himself. Glancing at the dashboard clock, he realized it was eight in the morning. Deciding to pull into a small bagel shop that Max had become fond of, he bought an assortment of bagels and parked in front of Foggle Towers. Wheeling to the elevator and selecting the penthouse level, he began to have doubts. "What if she doesn't want to see me again? I acted like such a jerk, I wouldn't blame her." The bagels comforting aroma and heat brought him back to his senses as he wheeled up to his door. Inserting the Key and opening the door, he was greeted by a very upset Original Cindy.

"Wha…" Logan cut her off by putting a finger to his lips. 

"Where is Max?" He mouthed. Cindy pointed to the bedroom. He moved next to her and gave her a peck on the cheek. He whispered ever so softly into her ear "thank you so much. If there is anything I can do to repay you… don't hesitate to ask." Cindy smiled despite her pale features, puffy eyes and chapped lips. 

She then whispered into his ear, "You could start by giving me a bagel." Handing her the bag in his lap, he slowly wheeled himself to the bedroom door. Cracking it just enough to peer inside, he saw something that made his heart wrench. Max was lying in the dark, a huge pile of tissues laid next to the bed. She was apparently asleep, but her face was twisted in a look of pain and she was white as a sheet. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her pillow was wet from tears.

Creeping into the room, Max stirred a little and said in a raspy voice "Cindy, just leave me alone. And shut the door on the way out." 

Logan shut the door, moved to his side of the bed and began climbing in with his half-asleep wife. He scooted toward her and gently began kissing the back of her neck. She shivered from the contact, and he smiled. Running his stubble across where his lips had just been, Max jolted awake and turned to face him.

"Good morning sunshine." He smiled and kissed her cracked lips after tucking a clump of hair behind her ear. Her lower lip began to quiver and Logan softly kissed her again. "I'm kind of tired, can we get some sleep?" 

"Sure, and Logan?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. Hey your pillow looks a little wet, you want to share?" Without responding, Max gently placed her head on Logan's pillow. She wrapped a leg around him and he placed his arm on her waist. They lay staring into each other's eyes until the sandman claimed them. 

************************************************************************

Original Cindy almost choked on her bagel when she saw who walked through the door. "Oh no. Hell no, you ain't here, Original Cindy is imagining this shit." She walked up to the intruder and punched his arm. "What the fuck do you think you are doing here? No, you know what? Get the hell out, Original Cindy don't even care." She waved her arms in an attempt to chase him out the door.

"Where is she?" 

"Too bad, she ain't here. So do Original Cindy have to repeat herself? Cuz she don't like doin that."

"Do you always talk like a moron? Now if she isn't here, you wouldn't care if I looked in the bedroom would you?"

"Aiight, she's here. But you are da last person my boo needs to see right now."

"Tell her I am here, or how about I tell her myself."

"Aiight. Be an asshole, I hope she kicks your ass." She walked to the bedroom door and knocked.

"Go away!" Two voices shouted. Cindy popped her head into the room.

"Um… Logan cover your ears."

"Why?" He asked groggily.

"Zack is here and he wants to see Max." 


	5. Bad choices

A small "fuck" floated from Max's mouth as she left the safety and comfort of Logan's arms

A small "fuck" floated from Max's mouth as she left the safety and comfort of Logan's arms. Trying to find the scenario with the least amount of violence, she got out of bed and put on a pair of navy blue sweats. The mound of blankets lying on the bed was pushed onto the floor as Logan began the task of climbing into his chair. 

"Um… could you do me a favor?" Max asked, her mind racing.

"Ya." The chair slipped from his grasp and he was dumped onto the hardwood floor. "Damnit." He cursed out of frustration while crawling to his hell on wheels. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Just forgot to set the brake last night. You were saying?"

"Oh, could you take a shower or something? Ya know, let me calm him down a little." _And give you time to cool down._ She added silently.

"As long as you think you can keep your legs shut till I get there." A hand clamped over his mouth even as he spoke the words. "Jesus Max, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." The hurt look returned to her face and it was quickly replaced by a stone coldness that Logan hadn't seen in years. Wheeling next to her, he took one of the hands that limply hung by her side. "Just come and get me whenever the coast is clear." With a nod of her head, Max turned to leave. "Hey, one more thing." Logan said, clutching her hand tighter. "When all this is over, we are going on a vacation." Her cold mask softened a little at the knowledge that in the end there would still be a 'we.'

The scene that greeted Max outside the bedroom was almost comical. Zack was being chased around the room by a very pissed off Original Cindy.

"Max, tell her to stop before I get mad." Zack coldly stated.

"Oh that's it bitch, it's on now." Cindy rolled up her sleeves and began ranting before Max cut her off.

"Cindy, that's enough." Defeated, OC walked into the bedroom where Logan was, taunting Zack the whole way. Across the room, Zack was standing with his jaw set and arms crossed, obviously thinking about the different ways he could kill Cindy. Taking an aggressive posture, Max began shouting. "What the hell are you doing here?" Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard the shower turn off.

"Max, I came to see you."

"Well I don't want to see you!"

"But I thought…" His expression was quickly changing from a heartless solider, to that of a young boy.

"You thought wrong Zack."

"Do you remember how right it felt Maxie. Didn't it feel like that was the way it is supposed to be? You can't tell me that what we shared didn't mean anything. You might say that we were in heat, but it's a lie."

"I was there, remember." Max turned and walked to the window. The sun looked as if it had never risen at all the clouds were so dark. A storm was approaching.

"Every morning I wake up," Zack continued, " and I think of you. You are my first and last thought of every day. That night we *made love*, what we shared wasn't just sex. That was the happiest moment of my life."

"I thought it was all just phony sentimentality." 

"Ya, well I was wrong. Love can make a person stronger. It makes them able to endure weeks of torture without…" Max cut him off.

"Zack, do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then let me be happy with the man *I* love."

"Him?" He shook his head. "He can't possibly love you as much as I do!"

"I don't wanna talk about this now."

"When? When are we going to talk about this Max?" Zack straightened himself to his full height. "Look me in the eyes and tell me how you feel about me." She turned to face him and began in a voice that was a little too loud. 

"Yes, I have feelings for you damn it! Is that what you wanted to hear? Do you want to hear that I enjoyed fucking you? Is your ego satisfied knowing that I enjoyed having sex with someone who isn't my husband?" The muffled sob in the bedroom was lost on Max as Zack put his hands on her shoulders.

"Come with me." He whispered softly.

"I can't…" Zack turned her around and stared deep into her eyes. The sound of a door opening was once again lost on the two as their lips met. Strangely Max felt nothing she expected from the kiss. 

"Fucking A." A female voice said, causing the siblings to quickly move away from each other. Cindy shut the door behind her and almost jumped at Max. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Noth…"

"Don't interrupt me! Never interrupt me! I been sittin' wit' your hubby listinin' to this whole damn conversation you two been havin'. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't lay a smackdown on your ass right here on da' spot." Cindy got right into Max's face, trying to intimidate her. Feeling that she was being threatened, Max instinctively threw the aggressor to the floor. She hit with a loud thump and her neck snapped backward causing her head to strike the floor hard. 

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…" Max immediately extended an arm, and fear covered her friend's face. Scurrying away, Cindy bolted for the bedroom and locked the door behind her. Max sprinted after her and began apologizing through the wooden barrier. Zack came up behind her and placed a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, let's go."

After his shower, Logan put on a pair of sweatpants and a whit T-shirt. He finished drying his hair and wheeled into the master bedroom where he was surprised to find Cindy perched on the corner of his bed.

"Shh." She put a finger over her lips. Moving to the window, Logan stared over the city, preparing himself to go out and talk to Zack. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" 

"Man, she was pissed! This might go better than I hoped." Logan thought to himself smugly. Lightning flashed outside.

Original Cindy couldn't believe what she was hearing. Max sounded like she was really falling for this Zack guy. "Oh shit, Logan is hearing this too." She thought, looking at him. Not moving throughout the conversation, the only sign he could even hear them was the white-knuckle grip he had on the armrests of his chair. When she heard Zack ask Max to come with him, Logan sobbed and the sight was too much for her to bear. Opening the door at precisely the wrong moment, the only saving grace was that Logan couldn't see what was happening. 

"Fucking A." Was all that her shocked brain could muster. Recovering quickly, she walked right up to Max and began laying it out straight. Just as she was going to give Zack a piece of her mind, time seemed to slow down as a searing pain filled her chest and her feet left the ground. The back of her head hit the ground so hard that her vision swam and she felt like passing out. Looking up at her best friend- turned attacker- in fear, she scrambled back into the safety of the bedroom and locked the door. Collapsing on the bed, she was vaguely aware of Logan hurrying into the bathroom for medical supplies. The sounds of Max's voice seemed to be moving away from her, and blackness began to creep into her vision. Fighting a losing battle, she gave in and darkness claimed her. 

Ignoring her brother, Max continued apologizing. "Oh my god Cindy, please…" She pressed her face against the door, her tears staining the mahogany. Not expecting any answer from inside, she tucked her knees under her chin and rocked back and fourth, sobbing while humming the tune to a song Logan used to sing to her. Zack crawled up next to her and wiped the wetness from her eyes.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He smiled. From inside the bedroom, Logan's voice called out.

"Hold on, I will be right there." Rising from the floor, Max and Zack backed away so he could get out. Zack slid an arm around her waist to give both physical and emotional support.

Logan took a deep breath and opened the door. His heart shattered when he saw Max standing in another man's arms. The look of sheer pain that Logan wore hurt Max almost as much as his next words did. "Cindy is out cold." He looked away from the couple as tears streamed down his cheeks. Regaining his composure, he stared deep into Max's soul. She felt uncomfortable in Zack's embrace and broke it. Zack walked toward the front door. "I love you more than anything." Logan sighed deeply as the tears began to flow again. She was doing her best to look impassive, but was failing miserably. "I love you more than anything" he began again, "that's why if you want to go with Zack, I won't stand in your way." 

Max was in a sea of emotion. "How can he just give me away like that?" She frantically looked from Zack to Logan and back to Zack not knowing what to do.

"Pick me, pick me." Zack thought, trying to use telepathy to influence her. He extended his right hand in a silent plea. 

"Please Max…" Logan stared into her chocolate eyes trying to compose himself. His blood ran cold when she looked at him with a look of sadness and moved toward Zack. What was left of his heart now lied around his feet in ashes. His body was sapped of strength and he buried his face in his hands and cried loudly. 

"Let's go Zack."


	6. forgiveness

Logan sat in the shower, letting the scalding hot water sear his skin

Logan sat in the shower, letting the scalding hot water sear his skin. The constant pounding against his face failed to hypnotize him as he had hoped. After Max had left, Cindy had been taken to the emergency room and was still there as a precautionary measure. Now as he was faced with sleeping in an empty bed, despair began to grasp him again. Refusing to lose his calm, he got out of the shower and wheeled to his closet. On the left were his clothes, and on the right were Max's. Turning right, he pulled down her favorite blue shirt and buried his face in it, inhaling her scent.

***Flashback***

"You sure do wear that shirt a lot." He said Joking. A mischievous smile crept onto Max's face as she seductively walked toward him.

"Is this better?" She asked, pulling the thin fabric over her head.

"Much." 

***End Flashback***

There were too many memories in that room for Logan. Tossing the shirt to the floor, he went back into the kitchen and put some oatmeal on the stove. Outside the storm still raged, lightning cracking and thunder booming. Watching the flame on the stove, he felt dead inside. In 48 hours, he had lost everything that mattered to him. Taking the pot by the handle, he poured its contents into a small bowl and moved to the table. The silence in the apartment was maddening to a man who had spent the last year of his life with the constant beat of hip-hop filling his apartment. He peered at the steaming mush in front of him and absently stirred it. She had only been gone a day and he was already missing her brilliant smile, sharp wit, and loving companionship. He missed the way she would lean against the doorframe and watch him work. He missed her almost daily rants about how horrible work was. He even missed how she would get all worked up when he would hang something on her motorcycle. 

"Damn it!" He shouted and threw the bowl across the room. The pottery exploded and oatmeal splattered the wall. Leaning back in resignation, he rubbed his hands over his face and along the back of his neck. Slowly he removed his wedding ring immediately missing it. Carefully examining the small gold band, Logan shook his head and almost fell into tears again when he read the inscription. 'Forever yours- Max Cale.' Tossing the ring onto the table, he began rocking his chair back and fourth a few inches at a time. 

The feeling of hands gently resting on his shoulders made him tense up. Not daring to turn and see who was behind him, Logan looked blankly ahead. Seconds dragged into minuets, as the familiar hands began a soft massage.

"Do you still love me?" A choked up female voice asked, breaking the silence. 

"Where's Zack? Shouldn't you be with him?"

"I left him… for good this time."

"Like you left me?" He spat.

"Oh Logan, I'm so sorry." She kissed the top of his head.

"Do you love him?" He asked her.

"I thought I did, but I was wrong… I love you. I realize now that I can't live without you. God, as soon as I left, the only thing I could think of was that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life." Logan hit the table in frustration.

"Why? If you love me than why did you go with him? Why did you sleep with him to begin with?" He moved his chair to the window, her hands sliding from his shoulders. 

"I don't know." She picked Logan's ring up off the table and walked toward him.

"Damnit Max, that's just not good enough." He put on his Eyes Only facade, so that she couldn't see his inner turmoil.

"Logan…" She said in a pleading voice, "tell me what I can do to fix this." 

"Relationships aren't like motorcycles. If it breaks, you can't just magically fix it."

"I'd at least like to try." She smiled weakly and held out the ring to him. In response, Logan just looked out the window. Sighing he turned to her. 

" I never could say no to you." He thought. "What does the inscription in you ring say?"

"The same thing yours does." 

"Which is?" His anger was dissipating quickly after seeing the remorse in Max's eyes. _She is so damn beautiful._

"Forever yours."

"And I meant it." He said as his eyes began to mist. Pulling her down to him, he kissed her and rested his forehead on hers. Chocolate met marine as the two locked eyes. All the words that could possibly have been said wouldn't have expressed so much feeling as that moment. Logan's eyes showed of love, hurt and confusion. Max's held love and remorse. Max placed the ring back on his finger and they kissed again.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know."

"I was… confused… can you forgive me?" Logan sat and looked into her eyes, searching for what he was looking for. Then he found it. Buried deep inside her eyes was a look of pure tender love.

"Yes." They embraced again and got dressed for bed. Max shimmed into one of Logan's T-shirts, and he pulled on a pair of sweatpants. Snuggling together under the covers, Max rested her head on his shoulder and draped a leg around him. Gathering her in his arms, Logan began to drift off to sleep. 

"You're amazing Logan." She kissed his chest. "I can't believe that I almost left this man." She thought to herself.

"Thanks Max. Goodnight sweetheart." Max smiled at that and resigned herself to sweet oblivion.

********************************************************

A/N- do you guys think I should continue? Is it any good?


	7. the bottle is opened

Max awoke around midnight

Max awoke around midnight. Groping for Logan, she found nothing but cold sheets. After letting out a great yawn, she rose from bed and walked into the dimly lit dining room. Leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, she watched her husband staring out the window looking very much alone. Tears silently fell from his eyes, making her heart sink. 

"Knock knock." She said warmly.

"Oh, Max… Um, what are you doing up?" He quickly wiped tears away with the back of his hand. "Did I wake you?"

"No. Are you alright?"

"Ya, never better. Why do you ask?" A fake smile creased his face as he wheeled into the kitchen. Max skeptically followed him. He went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water, downing it quickly, a glaze covered his eyes. 

"Logan, what were you thinking about just now?" Max asked, scooting near him and wrapping a companionable arm around him.

"Nothing." 

"Please talk to me."

"There is nothing to talk about." 

"I have done unspeakable things to you in the last couple of days, and I just found you alone crying. Not to mention the fact that you have been incredibly, stressing incredibly, forgiving about all of this. Sooner or later we are going to have to face it. Please don't just bottle all of this up and pretend like nothing happened." Logan sighed deeply as her voice trailed off.

"Alright."

"Ok." She said while sitting down. 

"One of the reasons that I divorced Valerie was that she had an affair with an associate of mine." He turned and looked at her. "From the beginning of our relationship I have thought that you were different than her." In the distance, thunder rolled. "I have known that you aren't in it for my money, or prestige like she was. I was reassured of that when I lost my fortune for a short time and you stayed with me. Now, though, I am not sure why you are still here. I see such parallels between you and her…"

"I'm not like her at all. I love you."

"She said that she loved me after I caught her cheating." He paused as though debating to tell her something. "Max, go into my desk and look in the manila folder sitting in the upper right hand drawer." She stood and silently padded to his study. Opening the folder, a knot tied her stomach in two. Slowly walking back into the kitchen, she looked at her husband with a hurt look in her eyes. 

"What's this?" She almost cried.

"Those." A frog caught in his throat. Clearing it, he started again. "Those, are the divorce papers I had made the day you left."

"Why…" Max began to get frantic. Ignoring her, he continued like she hadn't interrupted. 

"There is nothing that makes a man doubt himself like a spouse cheating on him. I'm ashamed to say that since the shooting I have had serious doubts about my masculinity. That, paired with being cheated on twice has made me think that I am not enough to love. Damn it, I love you so much that I hardly even see other women. I don't understand how that you can feel the same way about me and still be unfaithful." He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "I'm not going to ask for a divorce…, I do want you to know how much you have hurt me though." Sighing, tears filled his eyes. "I feel so empty, so alone. I haven't felt this way since I found out I would never be able to walk again. If you weren't her right now, I can't say that I wouldn't be dead by now." At the thought of her husband dead, Max began bawling. Logan was looking past her into another world, as if visualizing what could have happened.

"Tell me how to make it better." She pleaded.

"That's just it. I'm not sure it will get better." She fell into his lap, grabbing his shirt and burying her face in his neck. 

"I'm so sorry Logan, I love you." She kissed his pulse.

"I know, it just hurts so much." He rocked her back and forth. Max pulled slightly away and looked at him. 

"Let's take a vacation, a cruise or something… I want to spend time with you. Prove to you that I am not like Valerie." She smiled briefly and kissed him.

"Okay." He looked away from her. "Promise to do something for me."

"Anything." She said with conviction.

"Love me." Was his simple request. 

In response, Max cuddled into him and replied, "I promise." 

Max looked at her husband. He was sleeping on the edge of the bad, facing away from her. She tried to place a hand on his waist, but he flinched at the contact. Shaking her head and blinking back the tears that had come so often in the past few days, she moved away from him. Once Logan's breathing became regular, Max dared to kiss his cheek and whisper a sweet "goodnight" in his ear.

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A/N- I know it seemed like Logan was unrealistically forgiving, but I was trying to set this part up, with him beginning to come clean after bottling everything up inside. Hope you liked it!


	8. Recipe for disaster

When Max awoke the next morning the first thing she noticed was that she was alone

When Max awoke the next morning the first thing she noticed was that she was alone. Sitting up and trotting into the kitchen, she found a note in Logan's handwriting.

__

Max,

I think that we need some time apart to figure out where to go from here. At least I need some time.

Logan

Crumpling up the note, she went to go take a shower and collect her thoughts. She walked into the bathroom and turned on the water. As the gentle hiss filled the room, she went to the closet and took out two towels. After adjusting the water temperature, she derobed and climbed into the glass-covered alcove. She pressed her hands against the wall, and let the water stream across her face. Letting loose a string of profanity that would shock a sailor, she slowly pounded the wall with her fist. 

As she was getting ready to get out, movement caught her eye. Turning to see what had caused it, an indescribable flood of emotions went through her. "Zack… what are you doing here?"

Zack quickly picked the lock and silently entered the apartment. His sensitive hearing instantly picked up on the sound of a shower running and a dull pounding sound. "Logan is gone, so it can't be that… what is she doing in there?" Peaking around the corner to the bathroom, he was greeted by a pleasant view. "My God she is beautiful." Watching until she was about to get out, he made his presence known. The signs of emotion on her face sent a wave of hope through him. "So all of that crap about not caring about me and getting caught up in the moment was just crap."

"Zack, what are you doing here?" Was her stammered response.

"I came for you." He physically tried to break down his emotional barriers.

"Jesus," she quickly covered her important areas with her arms, "How long have you been there?"

"I just arrived." He lied. "And it's not like you have something I haven't seen Maxie." She shuddered.

"Could you go outside while I change?" He smiled.

"Ya." After sliding into a pair of drawstring pants and the most modest shirt she owned, Max joined her brother on the couch. She ran a hand through her hair and prepared herself for another emotional marathon.

"I have something I need to tell you about."

Logan knocked lightly on the door to Cindy's apartment.

"Hold on!" She cried from inside. A few seconds passed before the multiple deadbolts were undone. The door opened to reveal a haggard Original Cindy. "Oh, hey boo." She smiled and stepped aside to allow him entrance to the apartment. "How you doing?" She put an arm around him and sipped a mug of coffee.

"I've been better." Wheeling over to the couch, he hoisted himself out of his chair and plopped down on a downy cushion. "Max came back." 

"What?" 

"She came back last night."

"Then why you here? Shouldn't you two be workin' shit out?"

"I want to, but I can barley look at her without breaking down." Not wanting to interrupt, she sat down next to him and slipped her arm around his shoulders. "I love her so much… It's just I don't know if I can trust her again. I want to trust her, I…" He began to break down into tears. Cindy pulled him close to her and comforted him. "How could she do this to me?" 

"There, there. Now boo does have her priorities way outta wack, that much is true. But just the fact that she came back shows that she loves you. And I know that you love her."

"Why do women I love always hurt me?"

"I don't know boo." He pulled away from her and looked blankly into space.

"What should I do? I want to take her back with open arms, but…" Cindy interrupted him.

"But what? Just go back and talk with her. That is the only way to solve this. If it makes you feel better, I will go with you."

"It might be better if you do. Besides, you two need to talk as well."

"Ya, that's true. I'll go get my coat." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N- Sorry it's so short. It might be a few days before the next update.


	9. That takes guts

"How could you… you bitch

"How could you… you bitch!" Were the words that greeted Logan and Cindy as they entered the penthouse. Immediately defensive of his wife, Logan entered on her behalf even after seeing who the voice belonged to.

"How dare you say that to her! You get the hell out of *our* apartment." He rolled right over to where Zack was and looked him in the eyes. Not wanting to look inferior, he hoisted himself up onto the back of the couch.

"No, how dare you even pretend to care about Max. You have no idea who she is, I do. I have loved her since we were children. You are not good enough for her." He moved right into Logan's face.

"I may not be good enough for her, but don't you ever say that I don't love her."

"It wasn't your child she killed." Rage filled Logan's heart and he took Zack by the shirt and jumped on him. He got in one good punch before Zack threw him across the room. Max entered the fray to stop the fight before Logan got hurt.

"Stop it." She stepped between the two. Her brother ran a hand through his hair, and Logan wiped blood from his mouth. Max moved the wheelchair to Logan and helped him into it.

"Max, come with me. Please, I love and forgive you." He once again extended his hand. This time, however, she didn't accept it. Instead, she moved to Logan and kissed him.

"No." Zack's eyes filled with hurt and he bowed his head as he walked from the apartment. Logan was startled to find a large bruise forming on his wife's cheek.

"Jesus Max, come here." She fell into his lap sobbing. He kissed the top of her head and caressed her face. "Are you alright?" She snuggled closer to him.

"I am now."

It all happened so fast for Cindy. He was on the couch in a pissing contest with Zack. Just as she was about to say something Logan launched himself at him. They hit the floor with a thud and Logan smacked him a nice one in the jaw. It was as if he thought that a paraplegic had a chance against a revved up solider. 

"Jesus Christ. He is going to kill him." She thought as Zack threw Logan across the room and stood to continue the fight. Out of nowhere Max jumped in the middle and stood toe to toe with her brother.

"Stop it." Was all she said, but her eyes dared him to try something. Zack Backed up and ran a hand through his tousled hair. Max walked over to the chair, exposing her right side to Cindy.

"Shit." She mumbled after seeing the hand shaped bruise on her face. Hate swelled within her. "That bastard laid a smack on my boo… his ass is grass." A small scene passed with Max falling into Logan's arms and Zack leaving the room. Cindy followed him.

In the hall outside the apartment Cindy shouted a curse. "What the fuck did you do to her?" He stopped and cringed at the sound of her voice.

"I'm sorry. She told me about the child and I got angry… I didn't mean it. Tell her I am sorry." He turned to face her. His normally composed face was red and covered in tears.

"Damn, you really love her, huh?" Her anger melted.

"Yes." He turned to leave as Cindy sat against the wall, trying to figure out how she felt.

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A/N- Ok, so I got one more chapter out even if it is a little short. I leave for a week long vacation tomorrow, so there won't be any updates for awhile. They will be coming though! Maybe put the story on Author Alert so when it comes out, you will know. Sorry to leave you guys hanging!


	10. After the storm

A deep sadness filled Logan once again as he looked out over the black Caribbean Ocean

A deep sadness filled Logan once again as he looked out over the black Caribbean Ocean. He set the chair's breaks and rested his chin on his hands while watching the cruise ship's wake. Reminiscing about the events of not-so-long-ago had become a depressing hobby that he seemed unable to leave behind even on vacation. 

After Zack had left, things began returning to normal. Cindy had strangely stopped hating Zack, and Bling forgave Max. The two of them him had gone to the cabin for a romantic weekend and returned with their spirits rejuvenated. Now, as promised, they were on a vacation in the Caribbean.

"There you are, I've been looking for you all night. If we don't hurry up, we will miss dinner." Max said in a cheerful tone as she walked up next to him. Quickly wiping the tears from his eyes, Logan turned his head to face her.

"Hey beautiful." She quickly saw through his façade and leaned against the railing. As their eyes met, her hands snaked into his lap to grasp his.

"What's wrong? You've been so depressed lately… I'm worried about you." Ever since Logan had almost killed himself, she had been paying closer attention to his emotions. He glanced out to sea and then back to her. 

"Come here." He tugged her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin rested on her shoulder. The gentle swaying of the ship combined with the warm salty breeze to comfort the couple. "Max." He whispered in her ear.

"Hmmm…?" She purred.

"It's so hard."

"I know. I know." Gentle hands began caressing the tops of his palms that were now resting gently on his wife's belly.

"I love you so much." The sound of waves bobbing was hypnotizing. The star filled sky claimed Logan's attention while the symphony of pleasant sensations continued. His stargazing was interrupted when Max tensed a little. "Are you alright?" By the tone of his voice he was clearly expecting a yes.

"More than alright. There *is* something I need to tell you though." Logan snuggled into her neck a little more and shifted to acquire a more comfortable position with the love of his life.

"Anything." Max leaned back into the security of her husband's arms and casually said the only two words that could possibly make everything better.

"I'm pregnant." 

The End

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A/N- Sorry about the long wait for such a short chapter. I am not supposed to use my computer for awhile due to a nightclub incident… so this chapter is kind of like underground fan fiction. Anyway, I am planning to make a sequel if there is a big response for it. The reason I say that is reviews have been coming in less and I didn't know if the story was going downhill. So I know everyone say this, but if you like the story R/R and if you don't like it R/R! 

-Jerome


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